100++ days

3.5 months have flown by so quickly. It has been an amazing journey watching baby girl grow and develop into this little person with her own adult quirks (hear her fart across the room) and temper. Even though she doesn’t yak much, she looks like (I hope), constantly thinking and exploring the world around her.

Likewise, these months had been an insightful journey for me. It wasn’t an easy beginning. In fact, the 1st month was unbelievably challenging and tough. The overwhelming feeling I got when it finally sunk into me that I have a person to care for, FOR LIFE!!! It is not just ANY JOB. You can’t quit when you want to. Worse, you are a slave to your baby’s demands. Forget about schedules or routines for the first 2 weeks. It was a reality shock. It is true when they say motherhood exists in an entirely different realm. No books can prepare you for the journey. The concept is impossible to understand until you step into it yourself.

Motherhood is a mental test. The sleepless nights will zap your sanity away. I thought I was well prepared given Architecture school/job training and I would be able to manage. Alas, I failed miserably. Unlike a project with deadlines, the sleepless nights stretch continously for months. You operate in a daze EVERYDAY. On top of it, strategize ways in establishing routines and methods of feeding or bathing (baby had bathtime phobia!) to make sure she is happy and contented. There were times when I wished baby girl could stay in the tummy where she would be happier and well fed instead of being mishandled by her mother! No wonder new mothers get blues. I was just stressed over breastfeeding which was difficult to establish. No thanks to ‘Breast is Best’ campaigns! It was only after sound advice from Lynette that I got over the whole hoolala about breastfeeding. Thank you! I just hope that baby would not develop allergies and I figure I’ll make it up to baby by becoming the most awesome mom ever. Haha.

But before potential mums get dreary, the good news is, it will only get better.

In my case, it was a change of perspective. When you accept that your lifestyle will change and you have to wake once every night, you get used to it. In fact, I am enjoying the quiet night time feeds when it is just me and her (though I still hope it will pass soon). Also, as you begin to recognise and pick up baby’s signals and cues, you can do a ‘rescue’ before it turns into a full meltdown. Life gets easier (for now). It also helps to believe that you are not a bad mother and no matter what happens, I am inclined to believe that babies have short term memory and will not remember the trauma (including bathtime scream fests) you have caused them. Haha.


2 Responses to “100++ days”

  1. wy Says:

    hey gal, i think you’ve done a wonderful job so far! don’t be so hard on yourself! every baby is different with their own unique individual personality, just like you’re special in your own way :) no need to compare with other mothers/babies. nadia is flourishing and growing cuter everyday, so that’s already a testament to your efforts and hard work. can’t wait to see her next tues!!!

  2. trainride Says:

    hehe thank you :) can’t wait to meet you all too!

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